2014: "Mediocre is the New Excellent"
It's January which means it's the time when everyone makes resolutions to not be as terrible a person as they were the previous year. You are determined, optimistic, and sure that you control your destiny and can turn your life around. If you just set your mind to it, you can be a sober, fit, self-employed millionaire. What inevitably happens is by about March, you have failed most of your resolutions, feel terrible, and spiral into a booze and brownie bender until next New Years. That's why this year I've decided to lower the bar and set realistic, achievable goals. Here is my list, in no particular order:
1. Buy running shoes.
2. Eat more soup.
3. Learn how to make a friendship bracelet.
4. Poop more at work.
5. Don't drink on Tuesdays (except for Mardi Gras, April Fools & Veterans Day).
6. Give more high fives.
7. Only spend an hour (each) a day on Facebook/Twitter/reddit/Instagram.
8. Chop down a tree (with a hatchet or sword).
9. Watch Sharknado.
10. Finish a chap-stick.
11. Make a sweet business card (even if I don't have a job).
12. Smash a guitar and/or amp.
13. Continue not eating McDonalds.
14. Buy something from an infomercial.
15. Start the paleo diet.
16. Quit the paleo diet (carbs are delicious).
17. Become a Belieber.
18. Grow a mustache (not in November).
19. Mention condiments in every conversation.
20. Own a goat.
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