14 Dos & Don'ts of Road Tripping

The road trip – a timeless ideal romanticized by great American novels like “On the Road” and “Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance” and immortalized by great films such as Easy Rider, Road Trip, and Eurotrip. We took a 6-week Keuroac-ian journey of our own this summer, leaving from the OBX in North Carolina and traveling, by train, plane, boat, but mostly automobile, to Seattle and back again. I saw many of the great sites and cities this country of ours has to offer - and even picked up a fiancé along the way. Now that I am a savvy road warrior, I have some wisdom that I’d like to impart.  

1. Don’t plan ahead – I mean, sure you need to do some planning like, “are we going east or west today?” Outside of that, the best things that happened on our trip were the ones that were unexpected and spur of the moment decisions. We extended our “planned” stay in almost every location by at least a day and the last day usually was the best. Whitewater rafting in Glacier, Mountain biking in Park City, a sunset beach bonfire in Seattle, and wine touring capped with a ride down the 101 into Big Sur for dinner in California were all last minute/ last day activities. If you want to have a memorable road trip make a schedule, then throw it out.

2. Do listen to podcasts – Once you listen to your “epic road trip mix 2013” six times and realize you are not even halfway across Nebraska, a deep sense of dread starts to set in. Not to mention, unless you want to listen to shitty country, Jesus talk or some weird combination of the two, don’t listen to the radio in Montana, South Dakota or anywhere in between Chicago and Denver. The smart tripper is prepared for this with an arsenal of podcasts. We decided to use our captive car time to learn something – Spanish! Unfortunately the program we chose, Coffee Break Española, was taught by a heavily accented Scottish couple and I can’t remember anything except for Buenos Nachos. It wasn’t a complete loss though. After listening to Coffee Break Española and Dan Carlin’s Hardcore History back to back, I can now give an accurate chronicle of Genghis Khan’s life in a perfect Scottish Brogue. 

3. Do bring your own sheets – The Bend West Motel, enough said.

4. Don’t over-pack – I know it’s tempting to pack for every possible occasion but you’ll be surprised at how little you need. Make sure you have a few comfortable t-shirts for driving, a good pair of shoes to walk in, sunglasses and a bathing suit. Despite popular misconceptions, there are washing machines in all 50 states. Anything else you might need, you can buy. Seattle has awesome vintage clothing stores. We went to a last minute wedding and I put together an entire outfit (shoes, pants, shirt, bow-tie) for $47.

5. Do drink and eat local – Bacon-wrapped corn in Wisconsin. Rainer in Seattle. Fresh huckleberries in Montana. Cutthroat Trout in Utah. Italian beef in Chicago. Wine (lots of wine) in California. Deschutes IPA’s in Oregon. Smuckers Uncrustables (the holy grail of snack food) in every state, every day.  There is no better way to learn about a culture than through its stomach (or liver as the case may be).

 6. Don’t overestimate your gas mileage – I know you’ve all seen that episode of Seinfeld and understand the unbridled exhilaration of pushing the needle past E and riding on fumes. But I also bet none of you have been stranded in South Dakota at night, hundreds of miles from the nearest gas station, wondering which one of you will die first and whether or not you can bring yourself to eat them to survive. Don’t become a cannibal - get gas early and often.

7. Do bring to-go coffee mugs – Caffeine is the true fuel of any good road trip. Bring a big cup that you can fill for free at continental breakfasts or gas stations and, if you’re in a pinch, pee in.

8. Don’t underestimate the clairvoyance of bums – When we decided to embark on this road trip I planned to propose to my girlfriend in Park City. This meant that I had to carry the engagement ring with me from Virginia to Utah. The ring stayed buried deep in one of the many unnecessary pockets of my backpack that I carried with me everywhere. While walking down crowded Michigan Avenue in Chicago, a homeless gentlemen accosted me yelling “marry her! Marry her right NOW! NOW!” Naturally both my girlfriend and I were taken aback, but I was even more so because I actually had an engagement ring on me at that very moment. I still wonder what would have happened if I had dropped to a knee in the middle of the sidewalk and proposed – I suspect his mind would have literally exploded in front of our eyes. I don’t know if that vagabond had supernatural powers or if it was the coincidence of a lifetime but I will forever pay closer attention to the words of bums.

9. Do Walk – When you spend 10+ hours in a car every day it’s not hard to be convinced to get up and use those numb stumps attached to your waist. Walking is the best way to experience a new city; take in the views, listen to the accents, smell the bums. What’s that saying, you gotta walk a mile in another man’s shoes something, something… yeah that guy knew what he was talking about.

10. Don’t Sleep in – Night driving sucks, especially when you are arriving in an unfamiliar place. Do yourself a favor, don’t get hammered on your last night and wake up early the next morning and hit the road.

11. Do use Whiskey as currency – The barter system is not dead! We rented mountain bikes with whiskey, bought food with beer, and basically paid for our stay in alcohol. Don’t be fooled, gold may be the “official” currency of America but booze will get you a lot further with the right people.  

12. Don’t be afraid to get lost – That’s what GPS is for right? Every phone has one, so screw it, take that left, stop at that sketchy – yet irresistibly tantalizing – roadside cherry stand. Get lost. You’ll get to where you are going eventually.

13. Do use your connections – I cannot emphasize this one enough. Go through all the contacts in your phone, dig up old Facebook friends and find all the people who live in cool places you want to visit. Chances are they will be happy to host you and, at the very least, can give you great recommendations on where to go, what to eat, and when to do it. You can rekindle an old friendship and save serious cash at the same time. On our entire 6-week trip we stayed in hotel rooms three nights. Thank you Steve & Christy, Quinn, Joey, Miranda, Monica, Petey, Rex and Clayton. You guys made the trip extra special (and extra cheap).

14. Don’t be afraid to get in a boat with a wolf – Now I know this is wildly specific, and most of you won’t have to make this decision on your road trip, but this ties back into my mantra of don’t plan ahead. We ended up staying an extra day in Glacier National Park and one phone call, two coffees and a truck ride later, I’m floating down the Flathead River with my fiancé, an ex-con, and a wolf - and it was hands down the highlight of the trip. Take chances, say yes to everything, laugh, and live in the moment. The road is a place for adventure, memory making, and self-discovery. Round up a buddy or a few, pool together some gas money, buy some beef jerky and beer and go west young man. You won’t regret it.